Navigating relationships in college can be exciting, but it can also be more complicated than anticipated. One of the biggest complications to the dating scene is attachment styles, a concept many aren’t even familiar with but probably unknowingly struggle with. A relationship can be a huge weight, and a lack of awareness surrounding attachment is the catalyst to many relationship problems. learning about yourself and being able to understand and identify attachment issues can take a lot of confusion and toxicity out of a relationship, making it much easier to manage.
The first step in being able to heal attachment issues is to understand them. Gillian Villanueva, a counsellor at Fanshawe College, provided insight into the phenomenon.
“We know that our attachment styles are generally formed in early childhood. and that depending on what kind of attachment we had with our caregivers, that may impact our relationships, in later life, with people who are important to us” Villanueva shared.
There are four types of attachment styles that people can fall under: Secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganized. Secure attachment is the end goal for everyone.
“the reality is that that’s not the case for many folks. However, not to fear; people can work through attachments, and they can work through with therapy, sometimes doing their own work, their own readings, but you can develop secure and healthy attachments in later life, even if you didn’t have them in early childhood” added Villanueva.
While secure attachment is the end goal, most people fall under anxious, avoidant, or disorganized.
“an anxious attachment might involve needing a lot of reassurances, feeling very insecure in the relationship and wanting to check in with your partner a great deal. And that sometimes, you know, it can go to the guise of caring. However, ultimately that can impact the relationship negatively” shared Villanueva about an anxious attachment.
“I would say that with an avoidant attachment, sometimes people can be sort of like running hot and cold. So sometimes they might feel a little closer, or they might express being a little bit closer to their partner, and other times they might turn away and not be emotionally available. So.. that can also impact a relationship negatively” added Villanueva about an avoidant attachment.
Disorganized attachment, also known as fearful avoidant attachment, is often the forgotten one. This style is the most extreme and is a result of childhood abuse, according to Psychology Today.
with a new understanding of attachment, you may already have an idea of what you fall under. Identifying your style will majorly benefit your relationships in every aspect of your life from romantic relationships to friendships.
This is why Jock Gordon created The Attachment Project, an online resource that connects people with licenced experts to help them identify and heal their attachment styles. 
The process is simple; it begins with a five-minute quiz that will help identify the present attachment style, and then it provides a full, detailed report on the style and the next steps to healing.
The site also contains many articles and resources geared towards relationships, self-discovery, and recovery from childhood traumas. It is an important resource in the mission of combatting relationship toxicity that stems from attachment styles.
